Self Esteem and Self Love

I wrote last night about a comment I had seen on Facebook where one woman told another woman she didn’t think of herself as pretty.  That one comment nearly broke my heart.

It made me remember a time when I didn’t think of myself as pretty either.   I don’t much like to think back to that time in my life but I often do because it really helped shape who I am now.   When I feel like slipping back to where I was I remember how I felt.

Self Esteem is something many people struggle with.  I always say many women but I know just as many men struggle too.   Self loathing often leads to cranky, irritable, ungrateful people.  I’m sure we all know many that fit that description.

It’s hard to love yourself when you have a low self esteem.   You think you are ugly, you think you are fat, you think no one likes you.  I often wonder how people get to the point of hating themselves as much as they should be loving themselves.  Sometimes you are just a product of your environment.  I did some digging and this is what I found.

People who have low self esteem may come from a relationship of neglect or abuse.  Don’t worry, I’m not saying everyone who has low self esteem has been neglected or abused.  I know I had low self esteem and I am quite positive I’ve not been either of those things.   However if you have grown up in a home where you are left alone and not paid attention to you just may feel like you just aren’t good enough.  It can do a number on how you feel.  If you are abused either as a child or an adult you can feel like you deserve it.  This breaks my heart too because this one is a hard one to reverse.

Maybe you weren’t neglected or abused. Maybe you just seem to fail at every goal you set. Maybe no matter how many times you try or how hard you try you can’t get it right. Maybe it’s not your goals you aren’t meeting. Maybe you don’t live up to societies standards and it’s making you feel inferior.  I got news for you, sometimes society sucks!

Maybe it isn’t either of those things.  Maybe you just come from a negative environment.  If every single person around you is talking negative and you are listening, your mind is going to start thinking those things too.  Maybe if you hear your best friend say a million times how fat she is you are going to start thinking maybe you are too.  If you are always complaining it’s going to put your outlook on everything, including yourself, negative.  Talk about a self esteem killer.

I’m sure there are many other reasons why you could have low self esteem.  I’m just touching on a few today.  I hate that there are even more reasons but that’s life.  Instead of dwelling on why you may feel this way I want to give you a few suggestions on how you can over come a low self esteem so you can start to love yourself.  Sound good?

If you’ve been talking down to yourself your whole life, don’t expect to change your thinking in one day.  It’s going to take time and a conscious effort on your part to really make a difference.  I’ve personally implemented every single one of these suggestions. They work. Give them time and a fair chance, and they work.

  1. Think about it. When start to have a thought about yourself ask yourself if you really truly believe this is accurate?  If you asked a friend or relative would they agree with you?  When you think this does it make you feel good? If not, stop thinking it! This one is probably the hardest because you actually have to recognize the feeling and thoughts and acknowledge them.
  2. Journal. When you hold in negative thoughts and problems they just grow bigger and bigger.  Writing about them acknowledges them and then purges them from your mind. Once you get it out you can stop dwelling on it.
  3. Use Visual Cues. Write out your favorite positive quotes and put them where you can see them.  Find pictures you love and make them visible to you all the time. Look at them often.
  4. Begin each day with a boost. Start your day with something positive.  For me, I start every single day by writing in a journal what I am grateful for and a page of “I Am” affirmations.  (If you do not know what I Am affirmations are you can read my blog here.  It is really hard to think negative when you just finished thinking about everything you are grateful for.
  5. Soothe yourself. Calm your mind, body, and spirit. Whether it with yoga, mediation, reading.  Do something for yourself that is soothing.
  6. Discover and pursue your passion.  Find something you are good and do it.  You can’t just be good at it though. You have to love it. You have to feel passionate about it and the way it make you feel.   When I was trying hard to turn my self esteem around I became passionate about fitness first.  Working out and pushing my body hard. Then I started becoming passionate about nutrition and the way it supported my body as I worked out. Now my passion is overall health and wellness.  If you’ve ever stood in front of me and listened to me talk about any of it you know. I found my passion and I pursue it every single day.
  7. Redefine Failure and keep trying.  When you have low self esteem, failure means you are not good enough. It means you don’t measure up.  You need to change your mindset about failure.  To me, failure means I am trying and as long as I’m trying I am pushing forward. I am going to keep on trying until I fail my way to success.  Don’t quit.  No matter how many times you fail, keep going.

It may seem like it’s a hard thing to do but the truth is it is so much harder to continue to feel unworthy.  You have to want to change your mindset but if you are tired of feeling like you aren’t good enough, like you aren’t pretty, like you don’t measure up, then it’s time you make the change.

I’m not an expert.  I’m not someone who knows it all. I’m just a girl who’s been there. I know how you feel.  I also know what it takes to change and I know you have it in you.

You deserve to be loved.  You must love yourself.  It’s as simple and as hard as that.

If you want to talk more you can find me on my social media sites listed in the menu.  I would be more than happy to talk you through it.

Have a GREAT Saturday folks.

JJ

 

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